Athlists

Sometimes, I just have to admit that woman are tougher than I am. Jessica Brothers, for instance, is one of those women. Just take a look at this story :

Here’s the thing about getting bitten by a shark: No one believes it actually happened. Not your boss. Not your swim coach. Not even your mom.

Jessica Brothers got bitten in August while surfing near her family’s summer home in North Carolina. She and her buddy Josiah had just paddled out into the Atlantic when she saw a tiny splash nearby and then felt a thump on her right leg. It didn’t feel like three rows of molars; it felt more like someone had smacked her with a baseball bat. Suddenly, instead of facing the ocean, she was spun around on her board and facing the beach.

She hustled back to shore, and when she came out of the water, Josiah gasped. “Look at your leg!” he said. That was when she saw the blood on the sand. It was a bull shark, experts would say later. Between 4 1/2 and 5 feet long. The wound had the rounded-football shape of a shark’s jaw, and Brothers, who is a junior on the swim team at Purchase College, needed 120 stitches on the outside of her right calf, with 40 more on the inside to stabilize the muscle.

“We pulled out seven teeth with tweezers on our own,” she said. “Later at the doctor they got four or five more and some fragments, too.”

The pain was real, and she uttered “quite a few bad words,” but sharing the news of her new status as fish food proved particularly difficult.

When Brothers, who is from Putnam Valley, sent pictures of her leg to Peter Nestel, swim coach at Purchase, his response was: “Seriously - whose leg is this?”

Same from her boss at the North Carolina EMS unit where she works each summer. He listened to her story and said: “Look, do you just need a day off?”

Then there was her mom. Brothers had missed a few calls from her mother while she was trying to clean the bite. When she finally answered her cell phone and explained why she hadn’t been picking up, the reply was: “You’re going to have to come up with a better story than that.”

No, seriously, Brothers said. Shark bite.

“Right,” her mom said. “I’m coming over with a camera.”

Truth is, you can understand the doubters. Getting bitten by a shark is UFO rare: According to the International Shark Attack File, there were 50 unprovoked shark attacks in the United States last year. Fifty. In a country of more than 300 million. The chances of winning an Olympic medal were higher (110 American medals at the Beijing Summer Olympics). “Just lucky, I guess,” Brothers said with a weak smile.

Luck. Right. Brothers also beat the spread on getting hit by a car, by the way. Statisticians estimate there’s about a 0.5 percent chance of a pedestrian being struck by a vehicle, but Brothers managed to break her right wrist two months before the shark incident when a woman backed into her while she was unloading a stretcher from an ambulance. She put her hand out to protect herself and ended up black-and-blue from the base of her palm halfway to her elbow. Three weeks of a cast, then three weeks of a brace.

“She was backing out of her driveway,” Brothers said. “I thought she would have seen - I mean, flashing lights of the ambulance, I was wearing a white shirt … but she accelerated as she came out into the road and hit me.”

Broken right wrist. Bitten right leg. Oh, and she’s still recovering from a dislocated right shoulder that required surgery after she slipped and fell down some wet stairs in her dorm two years ago. “At this point, the left side of my body is basically bionic,” she said. “I just figure it can’t be cracked.”

While some of her teammates occasionally (and good-naturedly) call her “Shark Bait,” the running joke lately has been about how no one can decide if it’s safe or unsafe to be around Brothers. After all, bad things keep happening to her. Then again, they keep happening to her.

“It might seem like a trend, but the reality is that each of these things is an isolated event from a statistical perspective,” said Dr. Karin Reinhold, a professor at the University of Albany and a probability expert. “No one is more prone to so-called bad luck. It’s like flipping a coin - if it comes up tails eight times in a row, that doesn’t mean it’s more likely to keep coming up tails. It’s the same 50-50 odds as before.”

Brothers said she hasn’t spent too much time pondering the mathematical craziness of what’s happened to her. As tri-captain of the swim team and holder of three school records in backstroke and butterfly, she’s been more focused on making up for all her lost training. She had first-place finishes in the 100-yard individual medley and 50-yard backstroke against Sarah Lawrence on Tuesday night and will swim in a meet against John Jay College tonight.

“If anyone can come back, it’s her,” Nestel said. “She’s incredibly dedicated.”

All the same, Brothers admitted she has been thinking a little more seriously about taking the advice several friends have offered in light of her knack for beating the odds.

Considering everything that’s happened to her, the suggestion just makes too much sense to ignore:

Play the lottery.

It’s the time of the year again, college basketball season. And with the countdown to March Madness currently under way, we always like to take this time to remind fans about the history of the game. Specifically, the slam dunk. While we are sure to see some marvelous dunks this season, every person should be critical when judging the dunk’s worthiness. Here is a list of some of the most historical dunks in the game of college bball. If there are any that have been left off or I have failed to mention, please enlighten me. But I think it’s all covered below.

20. Penny Hardaway Facial:

19. Texas Tech Shattered Backboard

18. Darrell Griffith’s ‘Around the World’

17. Russell Westbrook over Cal Bears:

16. Chris Porter in the 1999 Auburn vs. LSU Game

15. Danny Green over Greg Paulus:

14. Darvin Ham Backboard:

13. Hakim Warrick with the sick reach

12. UNC vs Duke 1995: The Jerry Stackhouse “Donkey Kong” Dunk

11. Louisville vs. Florida St. 1989: Everick Sullivan’s “Masterpiece”

10. Georgia Tech vs. NC State 2007: Isma’il Muhammad Climbs NC State

9. Hansbrough over Kenny George

8. UCLA – The Baron Davis Behind the Back Fake and Dunk

7. Cincinnati 1999 – The Melvin Levett “Superman” Put-Back

6. UNLV vs. Pacific – The Jarvis Basnight Hurdle

5. Clyde Drexler over Andre Turner

4. NC State vs. Houston 1983 – The Larenzo Charles Dunk

3. Pittsburgh vs. Providence – “The Night the House Came Down”

2. Kentucky vs. Mississippi State – Minnifield Keeps Climbing

1. UNC vs. Maryland 1984 – Air Jordan is Born

Did I leave any out? Let the debate begin.

Some things are just despicable: this is one.

LONDON – Lance Armstrong fears he could be attacked by spectators if he returns to the Tour de France next year.

The seven-time Tour champion, who is making a comeback after three years in retirement, said in an interview in The Guardian on Tuesday that he is concerned about his safety.

“I don’t want to enter an unsafe situation but you see this stuff coming out of France,” said the American rider, who has many critics in France. “There’re some aggressive, angry emotions. If you believe what you read, my personal safety could be in jeopardy.

“Cycling is a sport of the open road and spectators are lining the road. I try to believe that people, even if they don’t like me, will let the race unfold.”

Armstrong was asked if he specifically fears a physical attack.

“Yeah. There’re directors of French teams that have encouraged people to take to the streets … elbow to elbow. It’s very emotional and tense,” he said.

It’s unclear why Armstrong is worried about his safety now, given that attacks on riders are extremely rare. Organizers have in recent years taken additional steps to protect riders from spectators, including increased use of crowd barriers.

The Tour has its own police force to guard the route and ensure safety, and French police paid particular attention to Armstrong’s safety when he was riding.

Armstrong announced his comeback in September and joined the Astana team. He is reunited with Astana team leader Johanna Bruyneel, who teamed with Armstrong for all seven Tour de France wins from 1999-2005.

Armstrong plans to meet with Tour officials before deciding whether to compete in the 2009 Tour.

Previously, he had expressed doubts over trying for win another Tour title because of the problems he might encounter with French organizers, journalists and fans.

Armstrong is scheduled to race the Giro d’Italia for the first time. The 100th anniversary edition of the Giro is scheduled for May 9-31. The Tour de France starts July 4.

The 37-year-old Armstrong said in the Guardian interview that he is in better shape at this stage of the season than in past years.

“I’m much better physically now,” he said at his home in Austin, Texas. “And mentally there is no comparison. I’m far stronger and more motivated. The motivation of 2008 feels like the motivation of 1999. I was back from cancer then. I had the motivation of vengeance because nobody wanted me or believed in me.”

Armstrong reiterated his denials of the doping allegations that have dogged him during his career.

“I understand people in France and in cycling might have that perception, but the reality is that there’s nothing there,” he said. “The level of scrutiny I’ve had throughout my career from the press and the anti-doping authorities is unmatched. I’m not afraid of anything. I’ve got nothing to hide. I won seven Tours through hard work.

“This next year won’t be any different — even if people hate to hear that. I’m going to be focusing on every aspect of the bike, the team, the strategy, the training, the hard work, the sacrifice. There are no secrets. To the critics, I would say, believe it or not, there are exceptional athletes out there. Michael Phelps … Paula Radcliffe.”

Armstrong also restated his rejection of the French anti-doping agency’s proposal that he agree to retest his 1999 urine samples to see whether the French newspaper L’Equipe was right when it reported they contained the banned substance EPO.

“I’m all for drug controls, but if the athlete cannot defend himself, what kind of kangaroo court is that?” he said.

Every once and a while, there comes a catch so amazing that I can’t help but send it to my entire address book. This was one of them. Because it wasn’t what I witnessed in the video, it was what I heard. Chadron State College might be a tiny school in the Rocky Mountain Athletic Conference, but the hit that Isaac Stockton took while catching this touchdown pass was unbelievable. Even more astounding was his ability to bring the ball down after it bounces off his own chest.

How he made the catch after this hit is still a mystery, but at least his Eagles went on to win big 39-7 in the game.

Tomorrow, we as Tar Heels face a major dilemma. Supporting our Heels as they battle Maryland in the quest for a BCS bid at the same time Roy’s boys open against Penn. If you haven’t made arrangements to have both on at the same time, then I suggest you get to working.

Anyways, the preseason hoops showed me a different team than I witnessed in the Alamo Dome back in April. Although I love the balcony diving, robotic Tyler Hansbrough more than the next Tar Heel, I’m not going to harp on him in this overview. Here are some of the factors that will play heavily into our season as we make our way to Detroit.

First, the big men. Specifically Deon Thompson, who has molded his game to specifically harmonize with that of Hansbrough’s. This was evident in the games lacking Psycho, as Deon often found himself on the block taking unnecessary jumpers. Without Tyler there to feel the voids, Deon simply forgets that there is open space behind him. Once he gets this out of his head, we may begin to see a more dominant 5 player out of him. Until then, we’ll keep dwelling over his notorious  5-footer fade away.

The other big players will be Zeller and Ed Davis, both of whom have proven to be men among boys in the exhibition matches. Although Zeller still looks like he could use a few more meals at the Ram’s Head Dining Hall, his simple quickness, athleticism, and nose for the rim will add a lot to Roy’s bench. The same goes for Ed, who seems to enjoy the banging a little more than his freshman counterpart. (That’s what she said).

The comes Danny, the player who is more versatile than duct tape in a redneck repair shop. Although he may be starting at this point, expect to see more bench time from Danny as the season progresses. When it comes down to the wire, we will see him running more 4 than 3 to simply get Deon out of the game. Danny is an on and off player, but when he is on, there’s no stopping dancing Danny.

Then comes our rabbit on crack, Ty Lawson. The speedster has shown increased control and better decisions in the first two games, as well as an increased urge to get to the rim. He’s still reluctant to pull the 3-pointer, and understandably so. If he can keep the game tempo blazing and the other team running, then we will be getting great play out of him, with Frasor and Drew coming off the bench.

Ellington, on the other hand, is in my opinion the wild card of the season. Never in my years have I seen a player with so much talent, hype, and such a sweet stroke be so inconsistent during the regular season. Yes, Wayne can put up the big shots and go off every now and then, but consistency is the key for him this year. Hopefully we will see William Graves coming off the bench more often this season, because although the rest of the nation hasn’t seen it yet, his stroke is just as good as Ellingtons.

Then there’s the Yard-Dog, Marcus Ginyard, who will be out with a bum leg until December. With his absence, the Heels will find themselves vulnerable defensively . . . specifically against those teams with the sharp shooting, screen using, 3-point loving players (dook). Without the defensive ace, it’s going to fall in the lap of Green for the time being, who has shown to be flat footed in the past seasons. Let’s hope Marcus has a full recovery soon.

Finally, Psycho T, the nation’s heart throb. As with anyone else that has watched a UNC game in the past 3 years, I simply ask ONE thing out of this beast: pass out of triple teams. With improved cutting backdoor and positioning by the 4, we should see more opportunities for baskets as well as create a more free-flowing half court offense. If Hans continues to throw up the shot-put time after time, he’ll continue to be triple teamed. Tyler must force them to guard the backside block and make it a threat.

While we are the favorites to cut down the nets in April, we still have a long way to go. The challenges in the coming months will tell us if we have the talent of the 98′ UNC team, the heart of the 05′, or perhaps, maybe both.

Colby Almond
Class of 2008

Although I’m sure getting hit by a bottle rocket hurts like Hell and it probably left a few burns, I am more impressed by the fact a fan could have it reach the player in the first place. If this was a premeditated attack on that specific player, then hats off to him, that was an excellent shot. I do not condone it in any way, shape, or form, but I don’t think Bart Simpson could have pulled off a shot of that precision. Here’s the original story:

A football player was hit by a firework launched by opposition fans moments after the whistle was blown at the end of a cup final match last night.

Conor Hagan fell to the ground after being struck in the back by the rocket before it exploded.

His team Linfield had just suffered a 2-1 defeat by sectarian rivals Cliftonville in the County Antrim Shield final at Windsor Park in Belfast.

Attack: Conor Hagan is hit by a firework after losing the County Antrim Shield

Fall: The Linfield player, 26, plunges to the ground after the strike in Belfast

Shock: Hagan lies on his back after the rocket bounced off him and exploded

The attack, which sparked riots afterwards, came as players for Cliftonville, a largely Catholic-supported side, had missiles thrown at them by fans of the losing side, which is typically followed by protestants in the divided city.

Hagan, 26, was tended by team medics and members of both sides before being able to regain his feet.

‘I was lying on the ground disgusted with the result and didn’t see the firework coming,’ he told the Belfast Telegraph.

‘It hit me on the back when it went off and it was more the bang that scared me and I was in shock for few seconds.

Chris Scannell rushes to Hagen’s aid moments after the incident

Hagen lies motionless has paramedics rush to his aid

Hagen is helped up by paramedics and club doctors

‘It could have been a lot worse so I am relieved that I am not injured.’

The attack came as many people in the province - like the rest of the UK – prepared to celebrate Bonfire Night tonight.

Fireworks have been on sale at major supermarkets for weeks in preparation for the event.

Afterwards, police were called to riots between fans of the two sides in the Newtownards Road area of East Belfast.

Linfield manager David Jeffrey said: ‘The last thing that I want to do is inflame the situation.

‘I don’t want to talk about one idiot, but it has got to be condemned outright.’

Cliftonville coach Eddie Patterson, who was the subject of a death threat before the Irish Cup semi-final last season, also condemned the incident.

‘I don’t even want to highlight it that much - it only gives these people publicity. It has no place in football.

‘Some of my own players had missiles thrown at them, but I would rather talk about the Linfield fans who applauded us off the pitch. That’s what football’s about.’

Rocket man: Conor Hagen walks from the field after being struck by the firework

Riots: Protestant and Catholic fans clashed in East Belfast after the incident

I threw up two times.

After three years of serving in the Carolina Athletic Association at the University of North Carolina, that’s all I can say about my favorite campus event. While most people in the nation watch the annual Duke/UNC basketball match on TV, there are those students out there that would do anything to get in to the game. ANYTHING.

Here are the odds for an average UNC student to get into the game:

Each game is allocated 6,000 student tickets to supply the 18,000 students that apply. After organizations such as Carolina Fever and the band receive their allotments, 5,500 tickets are available. Since each student that wins the lottery receives 2 tickets, only about 2,250 of the 18,000 students will receive the coveted tickets. And for this one game, senior first. This leaves the average underclassman with virtually zero chance to get into the game. And for the sake of publicity and marketing, someone had to come up with a creative way to take advantage of this fact.

And What Would You Do for Duke Tickets was born.

Behind the scenes, I had the honor of helping weed out the applicants that were willing to attempt near suicide or bestiality. Year after year, the University put more restrictions on our program. “No live animal”, “no bodily fluids” . . . they were ruining the fun, but at least I lived through its glory days.

The first time I discharged my cafeteria food was while judging a group known as “The Campers”, 2 students cleverly mocking dook’s method of pitching tents for 5 months to receive tickets. Without knowing what was to happen, the men pulled out a butane burner and a frying pan. One student watched as the other consumed eggs, milk, mushrooms, peppers, onions, and ham. He jumped around in a frenzy, the regurgitated his food into the pan. It was cooked to a crisp and consumed by his friend.

That was the end of regurgitating food in the contest. Or so we thought.

Last year’s winner went around the regurgitation rule by letting the audience get in on some action. Dancing in Speedos and gawking their bird-like appearance, the students danced around while handing ladies hand fulls of gummy worms. Like chicks begging for food, the perched below them as they begged the girls to regurgitate the worms back into their mouths. It was absolutely disgusting, although it could have been worse.

These were the men whose ultimate aim was to eat a live trout before thousands. After that was nixed, the men vowed to make crotch milkshakes for each other. Although none of this happened, they still beat the track players who chugged a blend of raw fish, clam juice, Cheez Whiz, Pedigree wet dog food, raw eggs and tobacco dip spit. That was the 2nd time I called the dinosaurs.

Even SI has picked up on the contest, as they followed what we called “The Cheeseburger Routine”:

One year, three students wearing shirts that read “The Masticator,” “The Condiment,” and “I Swallow,” performed for the hundreds who were watching. Their act? The Masticator took a bite of a cheeseburger, chewed it up and spit it into the mouth of The Condiment, who seasoned his treat with ketchup and mustard and then spit it in the mouth of I Swallow. The cheeseburger was just Part I of the performance. Chicken nuggets and a banana split followed. Yummy. They got tickets.

And just for your entertainment, here’s a video of the 2007 winners known as “Wax Boys”. The two juniors proceeded to was every piece of bodily hair, exchange the paper, consume it, and like it.

While this is a sick and demented contest, it always reminds me why I love college basketball.

Pop Warner, youth, pee wee football . . . not matter what you call it, the sport serves the same purpose. Not only does youth football act as the building block for athletic success, but it also inspired movies such as “Little Giants” and plays like the double reverse flea flicker pass. But something that is never mentioned in these childhood films or parent handbooks is one simple fact: these kids can knock the living piss out of each other.

Every team has a head hunter. During my glory days, our head hunter sent me packing during my sixth grade season with a broken collarbone after a tough game of Oklahoma. And with the emergence of Youtube, proud fathers across the land are posting videos of their own little head hunters destroying the neighbor’s beloved little boy. Sure the NFL has some bone chilling hits, but imagine one of these being laid on your little man.

7: This little man doesn’t lay the meanest hit, but he does take out a guy nearly twice his size. Although it’s not at ferocious as the other videos, I guarantee you it took this kid more guts than any of them to lay the block on this monster.

6. Apparently Landon’s parents were proud of this hit. So much so that his father edited it and posted the aftermath throughout Youtube. I’ll give it to him though, Landon brought the wood.

5. Keep your eyes on number 3. A little hint, he’s the one that cuts the back flip.

4. Another reason you should always keep your head on the swivel during a punt return: if you don’t, you will probably be decleated.

3. If you have ever had the fear of your son being laid out by a girl during this football practice . . . don’t watch this video.

2. Not a bar jarring hit, but it was big impact.

1. This kid left the field crying for mommy. Literally.

This dandy caught my eye over at Digg the other day, not because of the man behind it, but because of the circumstances. For most people, this was just a regular college student up do some crazy prank to attempt to make the opponent miss. That opponent would be Pope Manuel of UNC Chapel Hill. He was a crappy free throw shooter to begin with, but at least he has more of a following than Speedo guy. On the other hand, at least Speedo guy has his own GIF file to claim as well as an ESPN special.

Here’s a look into this man’s interesting life:

I’m not much of a fan for hockey, but I am a fan of putting another man through glass!